Saturday, 4 June 2011

L.A. Noire


Here we have the latest release from the creators of one of the triumvirate of most over-rated games of all time and as such everyone’s in quite a stir about it. Of course I’m talking about Rockstar and their new offering of L.A. Noire. Now if you couldn’t tell from the above I’m not their biggest fan but Red Dead Redemption was outstanding and Noire looked promising from the previews so I picked it up with quite a degree of anticipation. I was not disappointed, so keep hold of your fedora because you’re in for one hell of a ride.
L.A. Noire puts you in the shoes of ex-military now police officer Cole Phelps, beginning as a humble patrol cop and working up through the LAPD. The Patrol section serves as a tutorial and is quickly followed by a brief stint in Traffic before being promoted to Homicide, Vice and finally Arson in that order. Sort of weird as I was expecting to end in Homicide or Vice but it works with the story so it’s not too bad.
The cases are split up into a few sections, there’s the crime scene investigations, interrogations and open world driving/running to be done in between, with the odd bit of witness stalking and chase sequence thrown in. The chases and tailing sequences are lifted straight from GTA IV and either involve catching up and incapacitating or keeping up and remaining unseen by your target but it’s the investigating and interrogating where the game is most concerned and comes into it’s own.
Investigation sections have you walking around the crime scenes looking for and inspecting clues. The controller will vibrate when you get close to an item you can interact with and upon pressing action Cole picks it up so you can turn it about and see if there’s anything relevant, if it is you can sometimes investigate further by opening the item or some other such action. My only real gripe with these sections, and it is a small one, is that there are items you can pick up that are useless and Cole will say so. Now obviously they had to put things in that weren’t clues to avoid Cole being some kind of super cop with magic vision but there are times when you look at, say, a shelf and not one of the items on it will be relevant. Couple that with the slow animations for picking up and moving items and it’s slightly frustrating. Luckily once you have all the clues the game subtly lets you know by playing a sound effect that is totally fitting with the backing music and then slowly fading said music out.
While I’m on the subject I feel I have to say a brief something about the music in this game. Simply put it’s brilliant. The investigation music is spot on and is never obtrusive but creates a great atmosphere. The songs the radio plays on in the car are very fitting and set the game very firmly in the time period it is emulating. Right tangent over, back we go!
The interrogation sections involve interviewing witnesses, suspects or other such people and asking them questions from your trusty notebook. Each question gives a short scene where you ask it and they answer, as you may expect, however it’s after the question has been asked where the game makes use of its trump card. If you’ve read about, seen or played the game then you will know about the lengths that they have gone to recreate realistic facial expressions during these interviews. The technology is superb and is an absolute triumph in what it does, the characters faces do move incredibly accurately. Unfortunately it is never difficult to spot if someone is lying to you because the lie animations are very obvious. This was probably always going to be a side effect of what they were trying to do so it is forgivable, just a touch anti-climactic.
So anyway, once you’ve asked the question and listened to the answer you choose whether you think they are telling the truth, lying to you because you have evidence to the contrary or think they are lying but have no evidence which is labelled ‘doubt’ in game. Now the problem comes when you know the person is lying from the animation and you have to choose between lie and doubt. What happens occasionally is you will think the answer is doubt but they are in fact lying, it’s just that the small piece of speech after you have picked lie is the bit where the evidence becomes apparent. Obviously this point is too late because you have already picked doubt and scratching your head wondering what you did wrong. To avoid this you can always say it’s a lie first because you can back out of an accusation and change to doubt if it turns out you don’t have the necessary evidence but this shouldn’t have to be the strategy. The other thing with these sections which is far more immersion breaking is that you have to follow the logic of the script even if you have a legitimate point yourself. To give a few examples from early cases, I found a broken pair of glasses at the crime scene and when interviewing a woman about her husband’s involvement she said he’d just bought new glasses. ‘BAM’ I thought, ‘got you!’ I say lie, present the glasses and Cole yells like a psychopath at the poor woman and it turns out that wasn’t actually what I should have said. A second was a little further on where I found a pair of muddy boots and a wet coat as two separate clues. The witness said ‘How can you prove I was out last night?’ and I had a 50/50 choice between two pieces of evidence that both would prove it. For the record the jacket is the wrong answer, I chose it and promptly rage quit cursing the game for not letting me be logical about it.
             These issues in mind the game is still very good it’s just got a few irritations that could be ironed out in the inevitable sequel. What really needs fixing though is the general gameplay mechanics. They are pretty much taken straight from GTA IV and as such the driving is terrible, cars don’t handle well and handbrake turns are not at all useful. Also the AI drivers would never have got licences in real life; they will plough right into you as you turn at intersections and make no attempts to get out of the way if you’re forced into the oncoming lane. Perhaps even more stupidly if you have the siren on cars going the same direction of you will pull over to the right as you come up behind them. Useful if you’re in the left hand lane but useless when you’re in the right hand land and cars to your left pull out of the way right into you.
            The on foot controls aren’t perfect but aren’t horrible either and not having to tap A to run is a breath of fresh air. The cover based shooting sections do work nicely and luckily are minimal since they would ruin the feel of the game if they were more frequent. There are the odd stupid ‘action’ sequences that ruin the flow quite well though, apparently Rockstar think people will just stop playing without the odd set-piece regardless of how ridiculous they might be.
            Something I find unforgivable though is the horrible rain effects in this game. Now in a film noire inspired setting one of the first and most important things to get right should have been the rain. It’s necessary for pathetic fallacy and setting of atmosphere and in this game it seems like they just stuck a rain filter in the foreground. It’s rubbish and will need to be sorted out if/when a sequel is done.
            Don’t get the wrong impression; this is a fantastic game that’s well worth playing. The story is interesting and well written and the investigations and interrogations and fun despite the odd annoyance. The game successfully emulates the film noire style as it set out to do and it feels good to piece together the evidence and work out what happened. The face animation is no doubt the future of games and it’s very pleasing to get this new style on a classic point and click adventure on the map. If you like the Ace Attorney series (and if you haven’t played those you definitely should) you should feel very much at home with this too as it’s the closest thing I can compare it to. Even if you didn’t then there’s still enjoyment to be had here, but you should seek help because there’s clearly something wrong with you!

78%

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Who says it's got to be expensive?


         
So with a string of new releases out soon and the much anticipated Brink having been released a few days ago it seems set to be an expensive period for the avid gamer. At £40 a pop without factoring in the odd gift card, trade in, discount etc we’re going to be pretty strapped for cash for a while. To help get you through this time of cutting down on unimportant things such as food and focus on what’s necessary I shall now render unto you a recent experience I have had which made me see the light, well a light anyway.
            Since Portal 2 I have bought a few games, including the aforementioned Brink, and do you know what I’ve played far and away the most? A game that’s been around for a while and has become something of a phenomenon. A game that is now available on most formats. The most addicting game I’ve ever encountered. Welcome, to Plants VS Zombies.
            Right time to put some context onto why I ended up with this gem. I was at the bottom end of an iTunes card, you know, the point where you’ve not got quite enough to buy another album and you don’t really want to buy individual songs. I decided I’d burn it away on a few app games for my phone, rather than do the sensible thing of just saving it for next time. A friend of mine pointed out that PvZ was currently an astonishing 59p, coupled with the fact that I’d heard of and sort of wanted to try it out for a while I was sold. That dear reader was the worst and best 59p I’ve ever spent. Best because it’s a brilliant little tower defence game that has you (or at least had me) constantly going ‘just one more round, then I’ll stop’. The worst because ever since my phone has been on perpetually low battery and a little part of my brain is telling me to be productive instead of shooting peas at zombies.
            For anyone who hasn’t given it a go I heartily recommend it. It’s easy to pick up and will hook you very quickly with its charming visuals, smooth, simple gameplay and sheer number of unlockable plants. I don’t think I’ve ever played a game like this with such a number of defences at your disposal, before the game cruelly forces you to pick a handful to use for the next round. There are quite a variety of zombies too and every plant and zombie type has a humorous entry in your Almanac so I found myself spending 10 minutes or so just reading through the ones I have in there already before moving on to the next round. I do believe that this game should come with some kind of PEGI symbol, you know the ones I mean, the spider for horror elements, fist for violence and so on. Well an addicting one should be introduced for things like this, perhaps a Tetris block or something.
            I think my point is, in a roundabout way, is to never forget that we don’t have to pay high prices to get great games. Every so often you’ll find a brilliant title for cheap in a pre-owned section of a store, or on eBay or other places on the web. This one just happened to be in my pocket all along and I just needed that small push of ‘It’s only 59p’ to get me over the edge and tap the download button. So keep your eyes peeled for bargains, they’re out there and just waiting to help tide us over until the next big title comes out and we’re down to bare essential rations because hell, video games rule!

Monday, 9 May 2011

The Radar

Right so originally I was going to review Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 Portable for the PSP but I have somewhat underestimated the length of it and overestimated the amount of time I’ve had. With this in mind rather than review the bits I have played, which are quite enjoyable, I’ve decided to give a ‘What I’m looking forward to’ for the coming months.
            First on the radar is the interesting looking L.A Noire from Rockstar. Now I’ve never really enjoyed Rockstar’s games, with the exception of Red Dead: Redemption which was brilliant, but this offering looks very solid. Taking a step back from the over-rated GTA series and throwing us back in time to the late 40’s you take the role of a police investigator. What the game claims is that they have used revolutionary face recognition technology to accurately map actors faces. This, if it works, will enable the player to carefully watch the people to whom you are asking the questions and spot if they’re hiding something or lying to you. As long as the game keeps a suitably film noire feeling and the rest of the investigations are as up to scratch as the interrogations are promised to be this could easily be incredibly good indeed.
            Duke Nukem: Forever is next up after 14 years of development, cancelling, being re-picked up, put on hold and just about everything else that could possibly go wrong in a games pre-release life. Now I have high doubts as to this game actually being good but I will be extremely shocked if it’s not stupidly entertaining. I’m not big on FPS but every now and again you want to blow stuff up with really big guns and that is very much what the Duke will be offering us. So probably not going to be a keeper but surely worth renting or picking up and trading in after what is probably not going to be the longest campaign.
            The follow up to the best superhero game ever to be released, Batman Arkham City, is out in October and if you’re not excited you clearly haven’t seen the trailer. If this is the case there will be a link at the bottom of this for any trailers so there’s no excuse. I won’t say much about this one only that it’s going to be phenomenal if it’s even half as good as it looks or Batman Arkham Asylum was.
            Dead Island is one I’ve had my eye on for some time and although I’m looking forward to it recent screenshots have put a degree of worry in with the excitement. I am speaking of what looks like a huge, straight jacketed ‘tank’ enemy that looks for all the world like a ‘dodge out the way so it runs into a wall and reveals a huge weak point on it’s back’ sort of thing. As long as this is kept to a minimum and the game doesn’t give you enough ammo to supply a military detachment (I’m looking at YOU Resident Evil 5) this could be a stunning survival horror. It’s more likely to be Left 4 Dead Tropical Edition but I live in hope that it can be the game it should, surviving zombie hordes whilst trying to escape a tropical island without sinking into a slaughterfest, as enjoyable as those are we’ve got plenty and this could be such a good survival horror! On a side not the trailer for this is incredible but does contain images that people may find upsetting.
             I realise now that there are an awful lot of games I’m looking forward to this year so I’m going to wrap this up with the one I’m dying to play more than any other. Deus Ex 3: Human Revolution looks eye meltingly awesome. The first game is one of the best games ever made and this instalment looks like it’s going to pick up the torch from Invisible War, the first sequel that was less than stellar, and do its Grandfather proud. Fusing RPG and FPS is difficult to do to keep fans of both happy and Deus Ex, along with Fallout, does it incredibly well. Using a combination of firearms and body modifications, including a plethora of attachments for your robotic arms, you will undoubtedly fight, stealth and explore your way through a complex conspiracy. The game doesn’t force you down one path and there are almost always multiple ways of getting around the obstacles or approaching the situation in cunning, or indeed not so cunning, ways. Of everything else that will be released this year Human Revolution is the only one which stands a chance of taking ‘Game of the Year’ awards away from Portal 2, strong words indeed given the strength of the line-up we have to look forward to this year.




Wednesday, 27 April 2011

E-sports


            E-sports are fast becoming a major passion of mine and I felt it was time to spread the word so to speak. Many of you may not be aware of the existence of such a thing but fear not dear readers for I am here to cast Esuna and cure you of this unfortunate status ailment (geez that was crow barred in!). E-sports are exactly what it says on the tin, professional gamers who compete at the highest level in tournaments with (depending on game and prize pool) up too $100,000 prize money for first place. That’s a lot for playing a video game!
            The biggest organisation involved with the e-sports scene is MLG (Major League Gaming) and thanks to their fantastic website everyone is able to watch live, professionally commentated, streams of all the events on the calendar. The next event (at time of writing) is the weekend of June 3-5 and I urge you all to at least check it out for a bit of the cast if not the whole thing. I for one have (and I’m aware of the frankly ridiculous level of nerdiness here) booked that particular weekend off work so I can stay up to stupid o’clock each day to watch the entire StarCraft 2 tournament live and not compromise my job by being a caffeinated zombie. Now I don’t expect this kind of reaction from many people but I have fallen in love with SC2 and watching the best players in the world, with a notebook at my side in case I see a strategy I want to steal and use myself, is just as rewarding as watching any other professional sports match to me; if you knew me and how much I love my baseball, American football and ice hockey you’d realise that this is a bold claim to make!
            Luckily it does seem to be catching on and more and more people are tuning in to watch these big name players play the games they love. The first event of the year was so popular that the servers couldn’t handle the traffic and the stream promptly crashed and experienced problems for the first day and a half of the event. This has been taken into account and the head of MLG made a personal apology on air to say that it won’t happen at the next event. Companies should take note of this and get in on it whilst it’s still a rising business. The advertising potential is huge and for a relatively small investment companies could show their wares to a huge number of people. Even the smaller events I’m currently watching get at around 30,000 viewers for the live stream and many more on the VODs afterwards. This is not only good for them but also for the fans of e-sports like me and hopefully some of you as well. More investments mean bigger prize pools, bigger prize pools mean better tournaments and better tournaments mean more entertainment for the fans. It’s a win-win situation.
Currently the games in MLG are SC2, Call of Duty: Black Ops and Halo: Reach, each has its own commentary team and its own designated stream so you can chop and change or stick with one for the duration. The thing that’s so great about the set-up they have are the commentators they have chosen. I can’t speak for Halo or CoD but the SC2 team, headed by my man crush Sean ‘Day [9] Plott, is phenomenal. They make the games exciting yet accessible for those people who might not know what the hell is going on. I can only assume that the other games have similar teams but this MLG I will take a look at those streams during the downtime of SC2 (or during the Zerg vs Zerg matches) to check it out for myself. In fact this will be a great experiment to see if they’re as beginner friendly because on the most part I don’t give a shit about FPS and thus have little to no understanding of how it works at the top levels of play, it always just seems like a clusterfuck to me but what do I know?
If this has whet your appetite for some high level gaming action all the VODs of the first MLG are currently available at www.MLG.com and the next event, as I said previously, is a little over a month away. I urge you to check it out, if possible with some gamer buddies. If you like what you see buy the event pass to get the high quality stream. For only $10 which is basically nothing, especially if you split it with the aforementioned buddies, you get a much better picture and you help to boost the growth of e-sports in general, which again will result in better quality stuff for us to enjoy in the future!

Sunday, 24 April 2011

Portal 2


            Before I get into my review of the sublime Portal 2 I first want to say a few words about how I will be reviewing games in general. I believe that a game has to be able to stand up on its single player with multiplayer as an option for those who wish to use it. As such in most cases my reviews will be based off of the single player alone unless specified. In particular there comes an issue with multiplayer when, for example Portal 2, the people you know want it on a different platform than you do. I don’t have the money to buy multiple copies of the game simply to test the multiplayer, nor do I intend to buy a version I don’t want and pay Microsoft for the ‘privilege’ of playing with other human beings. Right that said let’s get down to business.
            Portal 2 is the full length to successor to, wait for it, Portal. Portal, for those of you who don’t know, was a gem of a game that was added almost as bonus content to Valve’s ‘The Orange Box’. If you haven’t played the original minimise this right now, get on Steam and download it for the measly £6.99 it will cost you. Done that? Good, now play it, its okay I can wait it’s not that long. Congratulations you’ve made one of the greatest decisions of your life.
            The Portal games are best described as first person puzzle games in which the player use a gun that creates blue and orange portals to solve puzzles of increasing difficulty. That was pretty much all there was in the original but in the second instalment the guys at Valve added in some extra stuff to help keep it fresh and set it apart from its younger brother, after all this game was to be full length so there needed to be a little bit more! These extra’s come in the form of a different kind
 of block that redirect lasers, I should stress at this point that many of the puzzles involve moving boxes or directing lasers onto buttons which open doors, and 3 gels which you spread around using portals. The gels each do different things, the blue one makes the floor or walls bouncy wherever you put it, the orange one makes you run very fast along it and the white one turns previously non portal-able surfaces into portal-able ones. Using these tools you have to try and escape the Aperture Science facility where you have ‘volunteered’ to be a test subject. I’m aware that the idea of moving a box onto a button or using Zelda-esque light directing may not sound enthralling but stick with me here.
            The puzzles themselves start out very easy and get increasingly fiendish as you go along as you may expect, and in the sections where the gels are introduced there are some very clever ones indeed. That being said they are never so difficult that you’ll have to seek internet guides and I think this is in the games favour. There’s no point in making a puzzle so incredibly difficult that no one can do it but at the same time you need to feel challenged, after all this is a puzzle game. Thankfully Portal 2 is able to give us exactly the right amount of head scratching before the ultimate epiphany, and believe me when you solve some of the puzzles you can’t help but feel a great sense of achievement.
            Perhaps where the game really stands out, physics bending challenges aside, is the writing. The two main characters you will hear are Glados, the robot left in charge of Aperture since everyone else has died, and Wheatley who is a small robotic node voiced expertly by Stephen Merchant. As a simple breakdown Wheatley is your clueless ally against the sarcastic, bitter and vengeful Glados who is a bit upset that you killed her at the end of the first game. Both of these characters are fantastic on their own, Glados constantly putting you down in an incredibly entertaining way and Wheatley full of pluck and optimism. Both made me literally laugh out loud which isn’t something that many games have done in the past. As much as they stand out as individuals it’s when they are together that they really shine, and that’s all I’ll say on the matter since I want to keep this as spoiler free as possible.
            I feel it’s my duty to point out the very few bad points in the game so let’s get to that, far shorter, art of this review. Although the game looks beautiful there is a bit of a repetitive backdrop, especially once you reach the areas that are in tact and not being claimed back by nature. There are also a fair few sections where all you’re doing is walking along walkway with the occasional jump where it’s broken. These are longer than I would have liked and left me feeling slightly perturbed as I wanted to get to the next puzzle. Luckily even in those sections there is nice, if a bit grey, scenery to look at and they do give the sense of scale that they’re probably in there to do. Aperture is big and you certainly feel it when you’re wandering around with the facility stretching far above and around you. Again the major saving grace during the walkways is the writing, the voice over the tanoy spouting very amusing pre-recorded messages that are centuries out of date making me chuckle and taking the focus away from walking in a strait line.
            That’s all there is to complain about. Seriously. This game is a masterpiece, I simply adore it. It’s funny, clever and engaging and it’s very easy to forgive the small niggles for the smile it will put on your face. It’s not even that short; I blasted through the original game in less than 3 hours and was worried at how it would translate to a full length title. I think 7-10 hours is a good clock to put on it given various play speeds and allowing time to get stuck for a bit every now and then. That may seem short but it’s at least as long as it takes to finish *insert generic inexplicably popular FPS title here* if not longer. There’s even a co-op multiplayer mode that I may review retrospectively once I’ve been able to play it. All that said I implore you to buy this game. The feeling you will get from playing it is something a lot of games don’t provide anywhere near enough of, fun. Copious amounts of the stuff and there is no better reason than that to purchase something designed form the ground up to be entertaining.

91%

Monday, 18 April 2011

They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To


            During some recent conversations with fellow gamers I came to realise something that surprised me somewhat. Before I begin let’s put some context into this, there is a common conversation among fans of anything which revolves around the very simple premise, what’s your top 5 best X, where X is the thing of which you are a fan. Obviously, given my nature as a gamer, our X was video games. In a group of people aged roughly 18-30 (yours truly being 22 at time of writing) not one of us had more than 2 games from the last 10 years in our lists. Incidentally my own consists of, in no particular order: Final Fantasy VII, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, StarCraft 2, Sonic The Hedgehog 2 and Deus Ex. A quick internet search will show that (with the exception of SC2) all of these are from 2000 or earlier and this was, like I said, a very common occurrence.
            Somewhere along the way games designers have lost the plot somewhat it seems. Why are all these games from earlier in life so much better than the stuff that gets released these days? At first I considered it as a purely nostalgic root, however this was shut down by the fact that some people I’ve spoken to played these sorts of games later in life, long after they were first released and certainly after they’ve played more recent games. So with what seemed to be the obvious reason immediately debunked I had to consider it more deeply.
            What I came to in my deliberations isn’t particularly profound or amazing, just what appears to be a simple fact. Games were just better back then. Sure the graphics look pretty awful for the majority nowadays but if you examine the games on merits of gameplay and story, the two main categories by which any game should really be judged, they are so far ahead of what is produced now that it’s simply embarrassing. I have yet to experience any other game that has a story so perfectly told as Final Fantasy VII, to be introduced to characters I genuinely care about or with an antagonist with whom you can sympathise, understand and like as a character. Sephiroth is, and I won’t take any arguments here, the greatest video game antagonist of all time. These days it seems that villains have to be the sorts of things that power armoured meat heads can pump a shit-ton of ammo into before eventually collapsing full of bullet holes or exploding an impressive but ultimately unsatisfying explosion.
            Games developers today seem more interested in making games that look astounding, and to give credit where credit is due, they are pushing the limits of what I ever thought would be possible. I remember my mind being blown by how awesome Super Mario 64 looked, then the Final Fantasy VIII cut scenes demolished what was left. Little did I know that a decade later those would be in game graphics. Unfortunately in doing this they’ve lost track of what makes games such a powerful medium. What movie gives you the chance to BE the hero? Which books allow YOU to control the very events of a complicated story? Games can go so much deeper than any other story telling method and this is why it saddens me that Call of Duty is so fucking popular. They had a go at a clever story, it didn’t work guys, it was convoluted, stupid and mildly predictable, oh and it was about 6 hours long. It seems that if you want to make a successful game you just need to put it in a first person view, stick a machine gun in someone’s hand and put them in what is essentially a corridor, a curvy and well textured corridor, with the instructions of ‘shoot everyone and get to the other end.’ This is all well and good for a little while but I find myself tiring of it very quickly and returning back to the classics desperate for something with substance.
            I want to stress at this point that I’m not just hating on modern games as a nostalgic RPG fanboy (though I am one). There are a ton of games that have been released in much more recent times that are fantastic, innovative and fun to play. Fallout 3 for example devoured an incredibly large portion of my life and Portal was ridiculously good despite being possibly the shortest game I’ve ever played. What I’m getting at here is that good games do shine through the sea of mediocrity that plagues modern consoles; it’s just that they don’t shine quite so brightly as the super novaeic brilliance of their forefathers. This has made me feel rather old but you know what, sod it I don’t care, I’m going to keep playing the classics and hoping that one day a new game will reach the heights that they currently occupy, now if you’ll excuse me there’s some kids I need to tell to get off my front lawn.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Motion-Shomtion


         Why is it that all three console formats are insisting that I stand up to play my games these days? Nintendo started it off years ago with the remote waggling, unresponsive and fairly inaccurate Wii and Sony and Microsoft have subsequently jumped on board the motion sensitive train with the Move and Kinect respectively.
            In their credit both of these later additions into the current trend (3D being the one that is surely set to follow) are much better than what the Wii has to offer, even since the motion plus was introduced which admittedly did make it better. My issue is the fact that the whole thing is simply ridiculous. Coming from the viewpoint of a ‘hardcore gamer’ as the companies would label me, all this jumping, waving and general awkwardness takes away from games rather than enhancing them. I get the theory, on the surface it seems like it would be more immersive but what has been achieved is making games less precise. Why would I want to replace the pressing of a button which takes a fraction of a second with a movement which could take a second or more? What they should be doing is working on some kind of technology to allow me to control my games with my mind… Ok that may be a ways off but hell it’s better than sticking a tennis ball on a Wii remote and claiming it’s a revolutionary new idea, we noticed Sony, there’s no hiding it.
            When we play games we do it to relax, sitting of slouching comfortably on a bed, chair or sofa and this is how it should be. Games are a great form of escapism and fun which lends itself well to being comfortable, introducing things like Kinect which actively forces you to stand and jump about like a buffoon to get results doesn’t actually help in what they are trying to do.
            The games for these devices are all pretty much the same sorts of thing too, with dancing or fitness games being pretty much the sole releases for Kinect and the best sellers on the Wii, granted Move has slightly more variety but with the exception of Heavy Rain compatibility (which if I’m honest I can see working beautifully) it’s all just not as good as a controller. Take Killzone 3 as an example. It has move compatibility and 3D, 2 fads with one stone there, both of which severely detract from the experience of playing the game. The move controls are clunky and ineffective so you will very quickly find yourself switching back to a standard controller to get the precision you want, nay, need in an FPS. Even the 3D isn’t great, sure it looks cool and everything but turn it off and the entire game just comes to life. So what they’ve done is thrown money at a game to make it compatible with all these different things which won’t get used for more than 10 minutes because they take away the fun.
            Some may cry that this is simply a gamer conforming to stereotype and being a lazy, sofa bound nerd who shirks exercise and natural light in favour of the glow of a monitor. I assure you this is not the case. I’d be 100% willing to give these things the time and money if they could improve my gaming experience, until that point they will not even be remotely considered. My Wii is in effect an N64 and SNES rolled into one, with Super Smash Bros: Brawl and a few choice GameCube titles left over – none of which use the motion controls. I have no desire to pay £50 for Move in order to play the one game I’ve already finished and Kinect has so many problems I don’t know where to start, but let’s have a go anyway. It’s expensive, unresponsive, needs a 6 foot gap between you and the screen and has no game support unless you like to dance or do yoga or whatever…which I do not.
            So in an attempt to wrap up my rant here, listen up games developers. Nice try with the whole aim stuff at super happy casual gaming families (which don’t exist in the way the adverts depict) and get people up and moving. It’s time to realise that this is just a phase you need to get over and go back to making awesome games instead of new ways to control crappy ones. Controllers have been around for a long time now and there’s a reason, they work. Also while you’re at it please take steps to minimise 3D stuff, most of us can’t afford a 3D TV anyway so it’s really not worth it.